


Slow realization

by Meldanca



Category: A3! (Video Game)
Genre: Eventual Fluff, First Love, Kissing, M/M, Settsu being an idiot, Settsu in denial, Slow Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:48:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23826340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meldanca/pseuds/Meldanca
Summary: Four times Banri watches Juza while being asleep and that one time he gets caught.
Relationships: Hyoudou Juuza/Settsu Banri
Comments: 15
Kudos: 170





	Slow realization

He doesn't really remember how he started this. 

Kneeling beside Juza's bed, watching him peacefully sleeping.

Caressing softly his warm cheek, or stroking his silky hair.

Maybe Banri thought, it would be funny at first.

He expected Juza to look terrible while sleeping.

Mouth widely open, snoring, or drooling.

Sleep talking might also have been one of those aspects.

Maybe he would've taken pictures just to embarrass Juza.

But no such thing.

Instead of having his mouth widely open, it was pressed to a little smile.

Instead of snoring, he took long, deep breaths.

This wasn't what Banri had imagined.

He felt a bit of shame, the first time he watched his roommate like that.

Usually Juza is a very tense person, his facial expressions are almost always hard to read.

But to Banri's surprise, his frown disappeared while being asleep.

He could see all those tense muscles loosing up, all the wrinkles on his forehead were gone.

Juza looked happy, almost way too peaceful for a tough guy like him.

"You look like a punk, but you're gentle at heart.", Banri whispered softly into the dark room, catching himself smiling at the thought.

The first time he had watched him, it was a bit embarrassing.

It felt like invading Juza's personal space, as he couldn't give the consent to let Banri watch him like this.

It felt wrong, almost like being a weird stalker, watching over their favorite person every second.

But he just couldn't look away from this beautiful sight.

His rising heartbeat gave him adrenaline, making him excited.

Life wasn't as dull, when watching him.

Actually, life was pretty good when he got to see this very serious guy, turning into a cute, charming guy.

It made him think, that maybe, just hypothetically speaking, Banri liked Juza more than he would like to admit, although not more than a friend, of course.

And that, maybe, just maybe, Juza was the reason that Banri suddenly enjoyed his oh so dull life.

The second time Banri watched over Juza, he put his head next to Juza's body, but he still didn't dare to touch him.

The moonlight shined in the room, lighting it up, just enough to see Juza's features.

His little, but warming smile was still on his face.

Juza looked satisfied, which was rare, as he would always criticize himself for anything.

He was always so insecure about everything he would do, nothing made him light up.

That's why Banri took this smile all in, cherishing it.

Because no one could see this side of Juza, Banri would appreciate it.

Knowing that only he's able to see him change drastically, made him happy, almost too happy.

"Don't ever smile like this to anyone else, except me.", he whispered again, fully aware that he wouldn't dare to say such things straight to his face.

Having a weak spot for Juza confused Banri.

He knows what it means to have friends, although, he has to admit, the friends he had were shallow and bad.

The people he had surrounded himself all those years ago, didn't care about Banri.

They wouldn't ask him about his life.

Not even a simple, how are you, would be asked.

So maybe, this is why Juza confused him so much.

Juza isn't shallow, nor bad.

He is gentle and honest.

His ways with words isn't smooth, but the most earnest.

Juza looks like he doesn't care, but secretly, he cares and worries a lot about people.

Banri realized this, one day.

It was a very rainy and cold night outside.

Thunderstorms came loudly down on earth, like a warning.

Banri has always been scared of thunders, especially if he was alone.

Although, he would rather not admit it.

He was shivering in his bed, and flinched every time the lightening struck.

And Juza noticed how scared he was, someone might've laughed at the sight.

But not Juza, not him.

Banri still remembers how it felt to be touched by Juza.

He remembers, the way his skin felt warm, a tingling sensation came over him.

Then the faint whispers in his ear, telling Banri to calm down, that he would be safe here, he would be fine.

And when the thunderstorm finally had stopped, Juza offered to stay with him, until he felt safe.

That is when Banri realized, Juza cared and he cared a lot.

The third time Banri watched over him, he put his head again next to his body, although, this time Banri found the courage to lightly place his hand on the blanket.

He was scared that this touch would wake Juza up, so he tried not to move too much, or to put too much pressure on the blanket.

It was still very confusing, why does he keep doing this?

And what is this feeling in his chest?

Why does his heart keep beating at this fast pace?

Is this the feeling of a true friendship?

He didn't know and didn't want to know the answer.

Banri just wanted to listen to the long, deep breaths Juza would take.

It calmed him down, knowing he could do this every night, because Juza would still be here in his comfortable bed.

He liked these nights and wished that they would never end.

The thought of the sun going up and the rays illuminating Juza's face in the morning, bothered him.

It bothered him so much, that the feeling in his chest tightened, and the grip on the blanket hardened.

His heart would drop, leaving him to feel terribly sick.

Because when the morning came, Banri would act like the nights didn't happen.

He would refuse to think about his fluttering heart, blushing cheeks and the immense confusion, which grows bigger and bigger each day.

All the sweet things Banri would lowly whisper, disappeared in the morning.

This didn't happen, was all that he could tell himself.

And he wished, he could speak to Juza like at midnight.

Honest, kind and happy.

But he just didn't find the courage to approach the tough looking guy, although Banri knew that he was gentle at heart.

While suppressing these feelings, thoughts and questions, Banri would always feel that this would overflow.

Like a full glass of water and a single drop would cause it to overflow.

The single drop, which would be Juza's affection.

One little smile, one shy compliment and Banri would snap.

Then they would fight over stupid, little things, instead of speaking with their hearts.

And that's why Banri preferred the nights, because for a few hours Banri could pretend that he did find the courage to open up to Juza and he could reassure himself that everything was fine as it was.

The fourth time Banri watched over him was when he had avoided him all day long.

He started caressing his hair, which was very soft and felt healthy, even though Juza would dye it quite frequently.

"You're killing me with your dumb, little smile. I can't help it but to avoid you at this rate."

His heart ached, as he wasn't able to see Juza all day.

Seeing him asleep, looking like an angel, didn't really help his struggling heartbeat.

Why would his heart flutter everytime he saw Juza like this?

Why did it feel like heaven to touch him, but feel like hell when Banri couldn't?

He couldn't stop thinking about Juza during the day.

Everytime he tried to concentrate on something, a picture of him sleeping would pop up in his head.

Then his cheeks would be flushed, leaving him to look redder than any tomato.

A fuzzy feeling would overtake in his stomach, he would swallow loudly, as if someone had caught him doing something terrible.

A dumb grin would be visvible on his face and Banri just couldn't suppress it, no matter how hard he tried to.

Banri sighed.

He wasn't able to concentrate on anything anymore.

It's as if Juza had taken over his thoughts, feelings and life.

Everywhere he would go, Banri would be reminded by his roommate just by looking at the dessert section in the supermarket.

And when he would talk to someone, he would sneak a little fact about Juza in, or talk about how Juza's presence infuriated him.

Banri just couldn't stop and he had hoped that by avoiding Juza, he would finally be able to.

But it didn't help, it only got worse and Banri's mood suffered all day long.

This isn't how a friendship feels like.

Deep down Banri knew this all along, but he just couldn't accept this fact.

He hadn't been in love for 17 years.

No matter who it was, whether female or male, no one had caught his eye.

And Juza just couldn't walk into his life like that, smile like an idiot and let Banri's heart flutter like no one else could.

It just wasn't fair.

That's why Banri swore to himself to never watch over Juza again.

This would definitely be the last time, he thought, while softly touching his cheeks.

"Damn it!", Banri hisses, as he enters the room which he shares with Juza.

This is the fifth time that Banri watches Juza, after playing games with Itaru until four am.

He vowed to himself the other day, that he wouldn't keep doing this.

And he really wanted to stop this, as this growing feeling in his chest infuriated him.

Banri really thought he was undercover, no one suspected anything.

Why would someone think that he, Banri Hyodo, is in love with Juza?

They're fighting every free second they could get.

For outsiders it may seem that they hate each other, so he thought.

Until he went gaming with Itaru this very night.

It was a perfect opportunity, really.

He could still avoid Juza and could prevent himself to break his own promise.

But avoiding Juza had taken it's tool over Banri, not only did his mood suffer, but now his thoughts about his roommate were unstoppable.

He couldn't keep up any conversations, read any scripts or help someone with silly tasks.

And god forbid Juza enters the room.

The second Banri would see Juza, he would just freeze up.

Suddenly his sharp tongue held all his stinging comments back.

He would just stare at Juza with a shocked expression, until he mumbled a dumb excuse and just left in a rush.

"What was that about?", Banri could always hear while leaving the room and he just couldn't help, but to imagine how Juza would just shrug his broad shoulders, like the punk he was.

But this wasn't the worst.

Morning practice would be just more than terrible.

Not only did Banri look like a mess with his deep undereye bags and his frizzy hair, but he also felt like the absolute worst.

Facing Juza in the morning would just cause his self confidence to plummet.

His acting has been suffering a lot due to Banri's behavior.

"Y'a know, if you're not here to help me clear my quest, then just leave.", Itaru gritted through his teeth, while his eyes were still focused on the screen, furiously pressing any buttons that would prevent him from losing the battle.

"I'm helping, just fuckin' look!", Banri shouted angrily, as he beats some enemies and heals Itaru's character. Although Banri knew, that this game hasn't gained his full attention yet.

His usual combats were better than this.

"Ok, I've had enough! I'm not going to lose because of your mental breakdown."

Itaru paused the game, tossed his controller away and looked at Banri with narrowed eyes.

Then he pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed.

"If Juza is your problem, then fucking talk to him and don't interfere with my games! I've got a lot of quests to clear."

"Hyodo? Why would he be my problem?"

Banri gulped, but tried to hide his shocked expression, as if Itaru couldn't tell that obviously something between these two was going on.

"You've been avoiding him for two days now.", Itaru said and rolled his eyes.

"I just don't want to see his face, it makes me want to punch him."

"With your lips, or?"

Itaru made a gesture with his hands to encourage Banri to elaborate on his thought.

But he just huffed.

"The hell? No!"

"Look."

The blonde haired readjusted his position on the bed and now faced Banri.

"You've been talking about Juza every single day."

"But-" "No, I'm not finished."

Itaru held his finger up, right in front of his friend, signalising him that he should just listen.

At this sight Banri couldn't resist but to groan loudly.

"And when you're concentrating on something, you suddenly stop. Then you're blushing and softly smiling to yourself. But when Juza enters the same room you're in, you suddenly freeze.

I'm not joking, you're seriously just standing there, staring and blushing harder, than any teenaged girl on this world could. And after that, you'll just leave, like you're in a rush."

"I'm not! I-", Banri started to protest, looking for an excuse he could find, but seeing Itaru's crooked smile suddenly stopped him.

He was right, Banri knew that.

These weren't big news, he had been aware of his feelings towards Juza.

Even though Banri tried really hard to suppress them, it didn't work.

But hearing these words from another mouth irritated him.

So Banri tried to protest, but he knew he couldn't win an argument that he's already lost.

"Fine, whatever. I'm leaving."

"Good luck!", he hears as he slowly shuts the door, not trying to make any sounds as it was already late, knowing that Itaru was probably smirking with a smug look on his face.

And here he is, kneeling beside Juza's bed, watching him peacefully sleeping.

He reaches out his hand to softly caress Juza's warm cheek, while still being irritated from Itaru's harsh and honest words.

He sighs, but soon a weak smile appears on his face.

Banri knows that he should keep his distance, he doesn't want to get hurt in the end, but he just can't stop playing with his silky hair or touching his beautiful skin.

He looks at Juza with his pleased smile on his face and he just knows.

This isn't how a friendship feels like.

This is love.

His first ever love.

And it just happens to be this punk, laying comfortably in his bed, looking like an innocent angel.

His knees are getting weak at this sight, just like jelly, and he is glad that he is kneeling beside this bed, otherwise he would've fallen down.

"I-", Banri chokes on his own words.

"Why is this so hard? You're not even awake."

He exhales deeply, it frustrates him that he can't bring himself to find the right words.

This is his first love, he won't make any mistakes.

And even if he did fail, Juza isn't even awake, he won't know, Banri tries to reassure himself.

"Sure am."

Juza's soft smile widens, as his eyes are still shut.

His low and raspy whispers cause Banri to slightly shiver, although he isn't feeling cold at all.

His mouth suddenly feels very dry, as if he hadn't drunken water in days.

The hand resting on Juza's cheek gets squeezed by a warm hand.

Banri suddenly has the urge to back down, this isn't how it was supposed to be.

Juza should've been asleep, his confession should not be heard by him.

"Stop holding my hand.", Banri hisses in a quiet voice.

He immediately wants to leave the room, shut the door behind him and go.

Facing Juza in his most vulnerable state is a mistake, he will only get hurt and Banri doesn't believe that his heart could survive a rejection, not from someone who looks this heavenly.

All his muscles are tense by now and he's trying to escape the firm grip on his hand, but him trying to pull away only causes Juza to hold onto him tightly.

In the dark Banri can see that Juza has opened his eyes and he feels how Juza's thumb strokes his hand in a circular motion, as if he is trying to tell him to calm down and breathe, because Banri would be safe with him by his side.

"Settsu, I'm sorry."

No, he wouldn't be safe, it's happening, Banri thinks in his head, he doesn't realize that he's trembling right now, he's still too focused on Juza's last words, which causes him to feel pain as his heart in his chest shrinks, as if someone stabbed his heart over and over again.

Not wanting to get hurt, he lowers his eyes, trying not to look his roommate in the face, just to see the expected pity which he swears to have heard in Juza's tone.

"Let fucking go, Hyodo!", he almost cries, as his voice cracks, so that Juza is able to hear how hurt he is, while furiously holding the tears back.

He looks pathetic, he knows it, he senses this feeling in his whole body, from his head all down to his toes.

Unconsciously Banri bites his lips over and over again, tearing his skin apart as it starts to bleed and only then, when he tastes the blood in his mouth, he realizes.

He tries to escape the tight grip on his hand, pulls away in every possible way, but Juza's stronger than him and won't let go of him.

He huffs in desperation, knowing there's no way to escape from this conversation.

"Settsu, just listen."

His eyes are radiating with warmness, making Banri's face to pleasantly burn, as his roommate glares at him with an irresistible expression on his face.

Caressing his sweaty, still trembling hand, while not daring to look from Banri away.

Juza's thinking what to say next, choosing his words carefully as he softly inhales, not to scare Banri like a poor, frightened deer on the road.

But he isn't putting up with this, fully convinced that this was just a simple act of kindness, not to hurt Banri in the process of rejecting him, gently turning him down like the sweet punk that Juza was.

Aggressively pulling on Juza's hand, growling as all his movements are in vain, he's not letting go, because he doesn't intends to.

"Let fucking go or I'm going to scream at the top of my lungs, just so that Sakyo will come to lecture us. And let me tell you, I don't give a damn if he punishes me for a full year!"

Hissing the threat through his teeth, Banri looks like a stray cat, ready to attack at all costs, while now angrily staring at Juza with his narrowed eyes.

Juza is taken aback for a while, not knowing if he should retreat or if he should keep pushing his roommate to his limits, fully knowing that Banri will indeed scream at four am like the dumbass he is.

His grip loosens up a bit, just enough to still hold Banri but also to give him the feeling of a slight security, letting him know he won't force Banri to stay if he doesn't want to, but that he wants his stubborn head to listen to Juza's words.

"Fine, just please listen."

His sickly sweet tone and pleading voice are trying to melt Banri's anger away, like hot lava in an active volcano would.

Too bad that Banri's actually the volcano in this position, not letting the lava take its tool on him.

He's not angry anymore, but furious, feeling his boiling blood going through his body, as Juza tries to make a deal with him.

Who does he think he is to command Banri around? If he doesn't want to listen, then he won't.

If he wants to leave, then he will. He doesn't need Hyodo's agreement to do whatever it is that Banri wants to do.

"No! Let fucking go! I swear to god-"

I swear to god, Hyodo, I'll break all the bones in your body, was what he wanted to say.

But he doesn't get to spit out another empty threat, Juza already knows this was all just barking, no biting, Banri wouldn't dare to hit him, because he doesn't want to hurt him in any way.

Instead he can feel how Juza quickly cups his face, holding it carefully in his rough hands, which are surprisingly delicate and gentle, his touch doesn't feel rough, dry or too tight.

With his thumbs caressing his cheeks, Juza approaches his furious roommate, being aware that he's risking being pushed away with a full force, but he's not backing out now.

His lips gently touch Banri's, they can feel how warm and wet their lips are, while Banri's heart jumps violently in his chest. He can't hear anything, except for his own heartbeat pulsing all up to his ears, which are beet red by now.

Finally Banri stops trembling with anger and frustration, all the confusion in his heart is being washed away by this sweet, little kiss, Settsu wasn't even aware that Juza's capable of being this gentle with him.

His knees are getting weak again, while his stomach is filled with butterflies, leaving him to feel overwhelmed.

His skin remembers how it feels like to be touched by Juza, this tingling sensation hasn't ever left the back of his mind, Banri missed being gently touched by his roommate.

He loves the way Juza finds the courage to pull him by his neck, deepening the kiss but still not being rough at all.

And Banri just loves feeling him smile against his lips, as he desperately buries his hand in Juza's soft hair, letting himself to be lightly pulled into his roommate's bed and kissing him back with a full force.

He tries to put every single drop of confusion, fright, anger, happiness and finally realisation into his kiss that he has felt the past five days.

It's a way of telling Juza, that he's glad to have him, pushing him into every corner, trying to understand Banri better each day while still having the patience to put up with him.

It's his way of apologizing to Juza, not being kind too him, snapping all the time, just because he couldn't handle his feelings for this punk.

And finally it's a way of confessing, telling Juza that he loves every inch of his body and absolutely adores his gentle heart, which warms Banri every day and has warmed him every midnight for the past five days.

And now Banri finally understands while it feels like heaven to touch this angel, but also it feels like hell not being able to do so.

He understands why his little heart flutters each time he sees Juza, cheeks all flushed and with a big grin on his smile, which no one could wash away

Banri can finally admit that, indeed Juza was the cause of him enjoying his oh so dull life, because suddenly his life turns out to be filled with gentleness, kindness and love.

A love Banri wasn't ever aware that he was capable of experiencing.


End file.
